....

I'm tired, I'm fed up with myself.
How i really wish i can throw away this heart together with this feeling.

No matter how hard i try to throw away this thought, i can't.
I'm not as perfect as her, I can't do anything for you like she do for you.
I can't give you anything like she give for you.
I'm way far behind from her.
I'm afraid that you will choose her in the end of time.

There's a lot of thing i want to shout out.
Can you please stop meeting her, can you please stop text her, can you please stop talk to her, can you please only look at me.
Can you please keep text me even you are with her, why you don't reply my text when you are with her.
Why do you lie ? why you delete her text ?
Do i ever cross your mind every time you are with her.

But i can't speak that out, i can't even tell you.
I can just silently smiling and comfort myself that everything will turns out fine.
Every night, every morning i wake up. The nightmare of you being with her haunt me just when i open my eyes.
This thoughts killing myself until the point i don't want to awake. I wish to keep sleeping and forget everything.

You tell me to drop that thoughts, how i wish that i can.
Its easy for you to say because you don't feel it, you're not the one that getting hurt before.

I keep myself as busy as i can, but every time i pause i still think of you.
are you with her ? what are you doing now ? are you doing fine ? how are you feeling now ?
who are you talking to now ? what are you thinking now ?

I love you so much until the point i'm afraid of myself will break down one day.
If only i can turn to heartless person, with no feeling, throw away everything i have for you.
If only i can feel no pain, no tears, no heartbreak, no sadness.